The Post-Party Blues

I'm sure it has become evident to all that the Beantrarian Party did not fare well in the recent presidential election.  We at Beantrarian headquarters are despondent and dismayed that our campaign was fruitless.  Despite our best efforts and a fervent belief in our cause, it appears that we did not garner a single vote for our Lully/Anonymous the Fourth ticket.  So in true political fashion, we have decided to blame our shortcomings on the other candidates and move on to a life of inspirational speeches and ghost-written memoirs.

The lessons we have learned are many.  First and foremost it appears that the people of the United States prefer living candidates.  It is not enough that they have great hair (Lully's Baroque powdered wig was above reproach) or appeal to the religious conservatives (Anonymous IV is frequently mistaken for the Pope).  Voters want a flesh and blood president that can stand before them and promise panaceas for all their ills.  And as we all know, what voters want, voters get.  So what, exactly, did we get?

We got the most expensive presidential campaign in the nation's history, somewhere north of 4.2 billion dollars.  This is a staggering amount of money.  The costliest symphony orchestra in America, the Los Angeles Philharmonic, has an annual operating budget of 97 million dollars.  For this modest fee they provide phenomenal public service in the form of concerts of Beethoven, Bach, and Brahms.  Or consider the South Dakota Symphony with an annual budget of 2 million dollars.  For just 2 million smackers countless farmers, ranchers, and cowboys get a little culture.  I like the mental image that Mozart wafting over the prairie conjures.  This is much more appealing than the ceaseless robocalls and political adds that barraged my home in the days leading to the election.  Living in a contested state brought as many as 8 robocalls a day. Enough!  Does anyone really think a pre-recorded, non-personalized message will change my mind?

Doctors Without Borders, to randomly choose a charity I think does good work, has an annual budget of 400 million dollars.  With this money they improve the quality of life in war-torn, impoverished nations.  What could they have done with 4.2 billion dollars?  Just imagine the lives they could have saved, the peace and goodwill they could have fostered.  America spent that much to encourage more bickering, arguing, name-calling, the list goes on.  I would like to propose a cap of $2.50 per candidate for the next election.  That's enough for a cheap cup of coffee and an interview on the Charlie Rose Show.  That's all any quality candidate should need.  We can then spend the rest of the 4.2 billion on things that really matter.

As the staff at Beantrarian Headquarters takes down the banners and removes the streamers, we are discouraged that a nation of such good people is so foolish with it's resources.  We will all soon go back to our lives of obscurity, 4.2 billion poorer.  Lully and Anonymous IV have returned to their assigned places in history as a musical despot and complete unknown.  And we are left singing the Post-Party Blues, touchingly rendered here by the Beantrarian composer-in-residence.