The fault in The Fault in Our Stars

I don't like The Fault in Our Stars.  I'm referring to the book.  I haven't seen the movie and I won't, since I didn't like the book and it doesn't have Spock.  I don't object to the author or plot.  I think John Green is a superlative writer and he tells an interesting story, which, although manipulative, is still rather touching.  My complaint is with the language that issues forth from the teenage protagonists' mouths.  "Colorful" might be one adjective for it, or "adult," or if my grandmother were here she might say, "uncouth!"  Whatever it's called, I don't like to hear it or read it, and I never use it.

I've heard the arguments; "That's how teenagers talk today.  Mr. Green was being realistic.  Those kids are dying a terrible death.  Their world stinks.  Profanity reflects that."  Hmm.  Maybe.  But I don't believe that a rotten world justifies or even requires rotten language.  In fact, if the world is truly so ugly, wouldn't beautiful language make it a little nicer place to be?

Heinrich Schütz would think so.  Schütz was born in 1585 in Germany to a family of innkeepers.  His musical talents were recognized early.  Accordingly he was sent to Venice to study composition, Venice being the most important city for composers at that time.  Upon his return to Germany he became the Kapellmeister (chapel master) for the Elector of Saxony in Dresden.  He was soon the preeminent composer in the area and was enjoying great success.  But life was not kind to Heinrich.  His beautiful wife whom he adored died after just 6 years of marriage, leaving him with two young daughters.  Then the Thirty Years' War descended upon central Europe, and madness reigned.  From 1618-1648 economic hardships, pillaging by soldiers, plagues, and anarchy were common.  Dresden suffered terrible deprivations.  Between 25-40% of the population of Germany died during this time.  Some communities lost two-thirds of their citizens.

And yet, Heinrich Schütz continued to compose exquisitely beautiful music.  Listen to Selig Sind die Toten (Blessed are the Dead).  Everything he produced during this brutal time praises his God and strives to elevate his gifts and talents to the highest.  Why didn't he succumb to the ugliness all around him and create something profane?

Words and music are powerful.  Ancient people understood this.  In the creation myths of Egypt, the sun, the earth, the moon, and all other objects came into being as Re spoke their name.  The Acoma people of New Mexico taught that two sisters sang a creation song to bring life to the earth.  The Samoans have a story about Tangaroa who spoke to a rock, bringing forth water, sky, maleness, femaleness, and ideas.  Christians believe that "in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God," and that "the morning stars sang together" at the creation.

Words and music create worlds.  Heinrich Schütz knew this, and I wish the youth in The Fault in Our Stars knew it as well.  If your world is crumbling under the weight of terrible things (and everyone's does, at some point) the relief, the peace, the hope you are seeking lies in beauty, not profanity. And if we all worked harder at sharing a little more beauty despite our circumstances, we could create a new world, a world that would bless us all.

Heinrich Schütz

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a Spam.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West finally wed.
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Yup.  Can we move on now?  I would rather discuss something much more interesting.  Let's talk about Spam.

Spam has a fascinating history.  It is a "precooked meat product" invented by Hormel Foods in 1937.  It's ingredients include pork shoulder and ham mixed with potato starch, salt and preservatives.  It was widely distributed in WWII because it was so much easier to get a can of ham to the front lines than the whole pig.  After WWII Hormel organized a troupe of servicewomen to tour the country and promote the product.  The Hormel Girls had a radio show and a 16 piece orchestra to sing Spam's praises.  Today Hawaii has the largest per capita consumption of Spam in the United States and Hawaii, Guam, and the Marianna Islands have the only McDonald's with Spam on the menu.  It can be used in many recipes and in a variety of ways.  I have eaten the most delicious sushi rolls made with Spam.

So why the bad rap?  Spam gets no respect in the continental US.  It's mocked as "mystery meat" and looked down upon as poor man's food.  We even call unwanted email "spam."  What's going on?  I suspect it's the can.  You see, we know that meat doesn't really come in a can.  It seems fake, artificial, kind of rubbery or plastic.  It's coated in a gelatinous glaze, called aspic, which is a natural result of cooling meat stock.  Yet when we see that glaze we think, "Pigs don't have that.  And neither do chickens!"  Even though Spam can be dressed up into any number of delightful dishes, we don't really trust it.

Just like celebrity weddings.  The bride can have the biggest of diamonds, a Givenchy gown.  The groom can wear a custom designer tux and arrive in a Bugatti.  Throw in an exotic locale, let's say a private Caribbean island, or hey, even Florence, famous guests, outrageous quantities of food and drink, and we don't really trust it.  We can tell it's canned.  Everyone smiles, everyone claims to be "so happy."  Nonsensical platitudes spring from the mouths of well-wishers like daisies from graves; "They're so in love!  This is forever!  Soul-mates!"  We eyeball it suspiciously.  All this joy looks an awful lot like gelatinous glaze.

I've seen true joy.  It looks like a husband and wife, worried about finances, but trusting in each other that they will find a way.  It looks like a wonderful, weary mom who has just given birth to child number five because "there is always room for one more!"  It looks like children lovingly caring for parents with Alzheimer's.  It looks like neighbors helping to rebuild after a devastating tornado.  It looks like true friends helping a recovering addict or victim of abuse.  Conspicuously absent is the fame, the stardom, the glamor and glitz, the magazine covers.  True joy is the reward for persevering through hard work and great trials.  You can't buy it in a can.

Spam has a shelf life of 2-5 years.  Kim and Kanye, the clock is ticking...

Here is my tribute to the lovely couple, "It Must be Love!"