One Singular Sensation

I was cruising through town with Gustav a few days ago when I heard the most astounding report on NPR.  It appears that we are training too many lawyers in America.  Statistically speaking, 75,000 jobs for lawyers are expected to be available this decade.  This is bad news for the expected 300,000 law school graduates coming through the pipeline in the next 8 years.  Gustav and I snickered.  Too many lawyers?  Say it ain't so!  (Gustav really does snicker, especially in the lower gears.  I'm sure a mechanic would tell me it's time to check the transmission, but I know better.  My car snickers).

Well, what can one do with depressing news of this nature?  We must find somewhere for all these lawyers to go.  Perhaps they could learn a really useful skill, such as potato peeling, lint picking, or dust bunny hunting.  These are jobs that are always available and in demand.  Better yet, perhaps they could aspire to be something different and original.  Why follow all the other 299,999 lemmings off the cliff of unemployment?  Be brave, find your own voice, strike a new path.

A singular voice in the music world left us this week.  It is a sad, but not untimely passing.  Elliott Carter was born December 11, 1908, and died on November 5, just a few weeks shy of his 104th birthday.  He composed brilliant music all his life, refusing to dim as the years went by.  He never grew stale or became a caricature of himself.  He was constantly refining the "Carter sound."  The Stravinsky inspired neo-classicism of his youth gave way to dense, intricate counterpoint in the middle years followed by graceful transparency in the latter decades.  String Quartet No. 2 is a wonderful example of the Carter qualities I enjoy.  Complex, yet passionate, it compels me to listen in anticipation of what will happen next.  There's something surprising around every corner.  Love him or hate him (and like all true originals, he has his detractors) one must acknowledge his unique vision.  We won't have 300,000 more Elliott Carters this millennium, let alone this decade.

So this brings us back to the lawyer problem.  Inspired by Elliott Carter, I have a solution.  Each law school graduate should find a niche, a specialty that only needs one brave soul (or perhaps two, at most)   to meet the requirements, thus eliminating undue competition and provide jobs for all.  Here are a few suggestions;

Official Litigator of Cheese - In the EU only certain cheeses meeting strict requirements can have names such as "Parmigiana" and "Roquefort."  There is a desperate need for someone to sort out which cheese gets what title.  (Note, this position is not to be confused with "Official Litigator of Those Who Cut the Cheese."  That is an entirely different job).

Advocate General for Endangered Fungi - There are 265 species of endangered fungi in the world and it's time they had a voice.  The candidate for this position must be willing to speak before the UN and endure Hillary Clinton's company.

Public Restroom Defenders - It is common knowledge that public restrooms are rapidly disappearing and are frequently in deplorable condition where they do exist.  We need committed candidates who are willing to dedicate their lives to saving this important U.S. institution and preserving our citizens' rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of crappiness.

Armed with my helpful advice, I'm confident that law students everywhere can now boldly step into the future fearing nothing.  And as for Elliott Carter, may he rest in peace.

Elliott Carter

Law School graduating class of 2013