Physics for the Artistically Inclined

I've been reading a mind-expanding book titled, "The Black Hole War; My Battle with Stephen Hawking to Make the World Safe for Quantum Mechanics," by Leonard Susskind.  I estimate that I comprehend about 60% of what I'm reading, but no matter.  That's 60% more than I knew before I plunged into the mire of elementary particle theoretical physics.

Something that has amused me of which I was previously unaware is the existence of numbers known as "constants" that are used to solve all kinds of difficult equations.  Many of these constants are named for the physicists or mathematicians who first discovered them.  For example, there is Planck's constant, discovered by Max Planck, represented by the letter h in an equation. It's value is 6.626068 times 10 to the negative 34th power.  You can understand why I might find this amusing.  Why take the time to calculate a number like that when you could be listening to Bach instead?  There is a lenghty list of such numbers, including Avogadro's number, Newton's constant, the speed of light, and so forth.  These numbers are plugged into equations such as:

T=  1    X    hc3                            or the perennial favorite   E= mc2
      16π2      GMk
T represents the temperature of a black hole.                        E represents energy.

I thought to myself there are constants in the artistic realm as well.  And these constants, if plugged into the right equation would go a long way in explaining some interesting artistic phenomena.  Let me share with you my discoveries.

Charis' List of Creative Constants

Wagner's Constant (w) - Talent trumps politics

Beethoven's Constant (b) - Hairstyle is no indicator of success 

Andy Warhol's Constant (a) - A soup can is just a soup can

Tom Cruise's Constant (c) -Talent is not required

J-Lo's Constant (j) - A great booty hides a multitude of sins

Danielle Steel's Constant (s)- Trash sells

Martha Stewart's Constant (m) - Warm muffins make everything better

Vivaldi's Constant (v) - You've heard it all before

Shakespeare's Constant (h) - It is always better to be

Phillip Glass' Constant (g) - Change is difficult and very slow

The Bagel Constant (l) - Jewish is good

Now here are some equations using those constants.  You will need to plug in the correct value.  For example;

 j X s  = Britney Spears

 c + a   

Multiply j (A great booty hides a multitude of sins) by s (Trash sells) and divide by c (Talent is not required) plus a (A soup can is just a soup can) and it equals Britney Spears.  Brilliant, yes?  Suddenly the universe makes much more sense.  Here are more equations for your deciphering.

m + g = Barack Obama                                               a X m = Thomas Kinkade

    v                                                                                             c

10(h X l) + w = Barbra Streisand                                 b2(a + c) = Justin Bieber
                                                                                                         v

s2(c + v)1 l + b = Roseanne Barr                               100(b2) = Donald Trump
                  2

48v + m  = The Pachelbel Canon
         g